Life's a Gamble

Hello Readers! Long time no contact! :-)

Well it's been 2 month since I last posted and with good reason. See the chart of my life's events below.

Sept 30th - Had to move in with in-laws as husband was out of work since Mid-July.

Oct/Nov - Working hard at my contract job so as not to loose it because it is our only income.

November - I am hired on Full Time and get Health Benefits, as we had been without them for about 18months.

Early December - Matt starts going to his Endocrinologist (Diabetes) and getting his blood sugar under better control.

Dec - Mid-Dec - Matt gets a job! Not a great job, but a job.

January - First month of Matt's job he is traveling and traveling for his job and sometimes coming home after working 20 hour days and only getting 5 hours sleep.

January 21st - Matt comes home from work around 6pm and is not acting "normal". He eats, laid down at 7pm because he didn't feel good and woke up 2 hours later talking like he was drunk, slurred words, unable to move, felt exhausted. I thought it was his Diabetes and gave him sugar to bring up his blood sugar. He eventually felt slightly better that night, but, never right and kept saying this doesn't feel like low blood sugar. The next day he stayed home from work and seemed fine.

January 23rd - Matt feels the same way again - we go to the hospital - come to find out that at age 41 he had a Stroke! He had a Stroke because his blood sugar had been out of control for about the last 18 months. Many diabetics have Strokes and Heart Attacks. We immediately go see my Neurologist, his Endo. Doc and a Family Doc. He is now on a baby aspirin a day and all the following tests he had came out fine (Echo for his heart, Doppler for his Carotid Arteries, 3rd Cat Scan of his head for blood flow testing). So we have no cause for the Stroke other than his Diabetes. They do call it America's Silent Killer.

February 11th - 3 weeks to the day of his Stroke, his Boss calls him in his office and says we are going to have to let you go as you have been seen answering emails on your personal cell phone. Oh wait....you mean the personal cell phone that contains my WORK email?! Bottom line is they wanted to fire him because he had a Stroke and he drives their vehicles for work and well "what if" he had another Stroke while he was driving their vehicle. HIGH RISK. In the State of TN there are no laws protecting the employee from such a dismissal. It took them 3 weeks, but, they tried to find a way to get rid of him. So he is now unemployed AGAIN.

We filed for unemployment if he gets it...it's a whopping $275/week. That is the maximum ANYONE can get for unemployment in the state of TN! Crazy! That won't even pay rent/mortgage.

Now you'd think that living with his parents would be a cost savings for us, but, because of this cold winter and their 1950's house that just leaks heat (I see $$$$ signs coming out the roof every time I drive home) we pay them about $550/mo in Utilities, then $150 for our storage unit and another $350 in gas because we live so far from my work, plus the car repairs I've needed. You do the Math...we are saving squat by living with them.

On top of all this, work is so stressful, I am having to take daily Xanax and biting my tongue daily as to not tell my boss off...my boss who wants me to become a manager so I can deal with the daily crap he is trying to deal with..and failing. NO THANK YOU! I am on a sinking ship. Working 50 hours a week, sometimes 60.

So between Hubs not working again, his being depressed because of all this, his Stroke, Nagging him to care for himself and his Diabetes so as to not have another Serious Stroke, Trying to get along with the inlaws, running constant numbers in my head trying to figure a way "out" of this whole situation - I am feeling hopeless. And Oh Yeah, we have to be outta here by May for when his Sister and Nephew move in...a whole other long story.

Many of my friends and family are having similar job/money/health issues. All I hear is bad news anymore. I really need a vacation...alas...I cannot afford one...

Oh well, what's new with you all? Tell me something good! :)

** I should mention my husband is fine after his Stroke - it was a "warning" Stroke, he did not loose any bodily functions**

Hormones and MS in Women

Last time I saw my Neuro about 6 months ago, he mentioned to me that I should probably not have serious MS progression until after I hit Menopause. Not that I won't have flares or that he was determining my disease progression, because we all know that's not possible, but that I may experience the more debilitating symptoms after I begin Menopause. After hearing this at that time I took pause and thought, it makes sense. Part of what may control our disease could very well be hormonal.

I remember thinking of my mother who had MS and while she was pregnant with my younger brother and sister (10 years my junior) all of her symptoms went away and immediately after the "twins" were born, naturally at that, she came home in a wheelchair and never got out of it again. I won't rehash my mothers story as it is not my story. But it has most definitely influenced my choices and how I live with MS. One of those being mindful of hormonal levels and preparing for when my hormones start to change.

While I could be 10-15 years away from beginning Menopause, my mother went through it early, in her late 30's. Which is exactly the same time she began the progressive track of the disease. So, while at my Gynecologist this past week I mentioned what my Neurologist had said and asked about how Pregnancy Hormones influence our bodies. To my surprise, my gyno completely understood what I was speaking of and was familiar treating women with MS who are pregnant.

The hormone believed to make all those pesky symptoms go away during pregnancy is Estriol. Estriol is one of the main 3 estrogens produced by the human body. I've been doing some research and found that studies regarding Estriol and MS are and have been underway and for that I am thankful. My Gynecologist mentioned to me of some self-pay hormonal treatment centers that are in my area and some of the Synthetic Compounds of Estriol that are becoming available. While she said it isn't something she would recommend for me yet, nor was she promoting them, she did want me to know about it. But also that it is quite expensive.

Some of the results I read about from the MS Studies included up to 80% reduction in active lesions and improved cognitive function. I'm not going to write a complete paper on Estriol and MS, but, I want to make sure women with MS are aware of the link. I had already planned on taking replacement hormonal therapy when I am menopausal, this is just one more reason to consider it.

Please do share any knowledge you have about this topic in the comments section!

Anxiety, High Blood Pressure and Stress

Yup. It's back. I have been doing so well at work for 4 months now that I've taken on much more responsibility including some management. My mind loves it, my body doesn't. I've been through this so many time with my past 2 jobs and I just can't figure out the balance. The Ying/Yang. More than anything I think the negativity at these jobs just pushes me over the limit.

My Boss was away this week so I was in charge of 11 people. 11 people who are working somewhere they don't want to be and are unfulfilled. 11 people who just complain all day about the heavy workload and the lack of help they get from other departments. All of which is true, but, hey, complain to management, not the fill in manager. I'm one of those people who everyone wants to talk to because I am a good listener. I listen. So I take on their stress and it just multiplies in my body.

I've got to find a way to manage stress and not let it send me into a MS Flare or make me feel so bad that I start missing too much work and loose my job. I've not lost a job yet, but did have to quit my last one because I couldn't take it. My mind can pretty much handle everything, it's the body that can't. It all starts the same way, GERD acts up, then my blood pressure rises, then anxiety attacks. The GERD has been happening for weeks now, I of course just ignore it and try to change my diet and hope it goes away. NOT. This week my BP was high several days and I get migraines because of it. last night it was 156/110, night before 170/99 - you get the idea. However, I don't want to do a BP Pill because I know it is just stress induced. Wed, Thurs and Fri I had to take an anxiety pill to calm myself down and lower my BP (nice side effect).

So, today I called my Boss told him how it was and that I would not be into work today. I am not superwoman. I feel I can be mentally, but even wonder woman needs to rest. So, Monday he and I will have a chat and discuss my role going forward and how I DO NOT want to be a manager in any way shape or form. That simple.

Has anyone ever experienced similar symptoms? And you just know things aren't going to get better till you make a change? It is so rewarding to be back at work, however, my health has been on the decline due to stress since I got back in the work force. I know it, I ignore it as long as I can and now we are back to the vicious cycle or circle. I'm not being negative about it, it's just the way it is. So what changes can I make this time to NOT be another few months down the road and have to quit again. Because my husband is still unemployed so quitting (which I DO NOT want to do) is not even an option. Heck just TODAY we finally have health insurance again. I'm open to suggestions here! Tell me your experience with Stress, Work, Life and suggestions you have. :)

Maybe I need a stress ball... hehe

The Color of Life

Gerber Daisies

I'm walking through the mall with my friend "K", taking in all the bright colorful clothes and shiny jewelry. Looking for a new perfume we stop in the Macy's fragrance department and ask for samples. Alas, the clerk informs us that the perfume companies are cutting back and she has very few samples. So, we go around spraying scent after scent until they all blend together and we can't smell anything but a mix of perfume in the air. I determine there is one scent I like, called Daisy by Marc Jacobs. Ironically, my favorite flowers are Gerber Daisies and my dog is named Daisy. But, before I spend $80 on a bottle of perfume I want a sample. So now I am on a sample hunt determined to try before I buy.

While searching for perfume we walk the entire Mall and check out a few of our favorite stores. I haven't been to a mall in over a year and I am in shock that most sizes in clothing stores now start at "0". Since when is ZERO a size? A woman who wears a zero would have to be thin as a stick. I also checked out some costume jewelry, bath and body stuff and remembered what fun it is to just go shopping - even window shopping! I hadn't walked that far in some time due to my Flare that lasted from mid 2008 - early-mid 2009. During this wonderful shopping experience I realized a few things...I really need to loose my Flare Weight (weight I gained during the 9 months I could do little but sit on my butt) and enjoy the fun of shopping to find cute outfits and look good again. It sounds crazy, but this shopping trip lifted my spirits. I didn't get anything, but, just looking around, socializing and looking at all the pretty new stuff was much fun.

It makes me reflect and think of personal goals I have for myself. Little things, like being able to fit into a normal size (not plus), getting my nails done, buying perfume to make myself smell attractive, purchasing some new music, getting my colored contacts again, a blossoming career and being the old me. Yup, this flare threw me for such a loop that I lost me. I'm finding her again, the old me is coming back. It's amazing how great life is once you live it fully. This was a nice reminder of the beautiful color that is life.

How These Five People Fight MS

Here is an excellent new website with some superb bloggers talking about how they live victoriously with MS.

Check it out - http://www.howifightms.info/

October is my favorite Month...

Hello! Long time no "see". Life is finally calming down a bit for me now so I am going to blog on the latest and greatest.

Move

We've been officially moved in with my in-laws for 1 full week now and so far so good. We'll see if I feel the same way after 1 month of living here. Last minute issues like my in-laws telling us "No you can't store your furniture and stuff here" lead to more money spent on a storage unit and such but hey, at least we have a roof over our heads and the apartment complex who was going to sue us for last months rent has agreed for us to just pay in payments.

Job(s)

My job is going fantastically! In 3 months they've realized I was a Tier above the work I was doing and promoted me (still while I was a contractor) AND They've offered me a Full Time position as an actual EMPLOYEE with benefits!!! Woo Hoo! This will take about 1 month till all the references are checked, background check etc...but I am hopeful by November I will be an employee and eligible for health benefits!!

Hubs still has not found a job, but, he is going to apply this week for some Retail Christmas jobs etc to get something...anything. And still making contacts in the IT world so he can hopefully find something!

Life

Angel of Friendship Willow Figurine (I love this one because it has a dog like mine)

I celebrated my 38th birthday yesterday, 1 day after my Mother-in-Law celebrated her 65th. My sister in law and nephew came up from Florida so we could make a BIG deal out of MIL's birthday and because they (the golden child and her offspring) were here nothing really occurred for MY birthday. We went out to lunch and did a little window shopping and then last night my legs killed me...Gabapentin take me away....and it did....eventually. The friend celebration will be in a few weeks so that's good! :-)

Willow Tree Friendship Figurine that I got from my Sister In Law Sarah

I started collecting Willow Tree Collectibles and got my first 2 for my birthday. I commented how I liked these a few weeks ago and Hubs was paying attention! I've never collected anything before, so I thought I would start with these! :) You can buy them at any collectible store and cracker barrel! Or HERE (this link is for the benefit of my husband, assuming he'll read this!)

Next month is our first wedding anniversary. I can't believe it's been a year since we went to Jamaica. Now that we are living here, I hope to save save save after hubs is working and get back there again someday. I'll have to plan something special to celebrate!

I am enjoying my favorite time of year (Fall), looking forward to my favorite holiday season (Christmas) and just excited to be living life again with fewer problems and MS interruptions. I am going to color my hair a chestnut color today for fall (fingers crossed I'm doing it myself) and really love the fact I have to wear long sleeves most days now.

MS

Since this is an MS Blog I do not think I am jinxing myself by saying....WOW MY MS SYMPTOMS HAVE SUBSIDED THE PAST 6 WEEKS!!! I think my body is now in the rhythm of working 8-10 hours a day, coming home and relaxing and I switched my work hours to 9-6 which my internal clock loves...I get to sleep in till 7:30 some days! Getting on a regular schedule has resolved all my sleeping problems, working has been great for my emotional state and I am starting to feel like a "normal" person again. I loyally do my shots nightly as I really think they have a HUGE impact on how well I feel lately.

Don't get me wrong, I do have weak or painful leg days, however, they are few and far between. I realize what shoes I can and can't wear and I am disappointed that I must get rid of even my shoes with wide heals...my legs can't take them. One day at a time, the old me is coming back...now to loose all this "MS" weight. MS weight is weight I gained during the last flare up when I sat around for over a year and did nothing...

Stress is still a constant, but, we are taking steps to making our lives better and less stressful and that is a good thing! I am in 3 Fantasy Football leagues this year and I pretty much suck in all 3, I laugh though as I am realizing there are more important things in life and I'm HAPPY now and thankful for all my blessings. Now I have to go kiss my husband and hug my dogs!

Enjoy the beautiful Fall weather friends! My favorite month is upon us and It just gets better as each week goes by!

Boxes, Boxes and more Boxes

Hubs and I have begun packing up our belongings to move in with my inlaws in 2 weeks. Not the ideal situation, but we are completely out of options. Hubs is still unemployed and my salary cannot support us. This is the most humbling experience EVER. Our age and having to accept help from family, God is constantly teaching us lessons I suppose. Selling off furniture so we don't have to store it, going from a place of our own with just us and our dogs to living in a small ranch house with PARENTS. If only we had another option.

I will have to drive about 90 miles each day round trip for work...and work EARLY at 7am...this will be a challenge. Getting up at 5, leaving by 6 and then at work at 7. Ugh. Alas, I dare not complain as money is money and at least we can afford to feed ourselves, make the truck payment and pay our new bills (we are paying the utilities at the house). Even if we still have no health insurance. Beggars can't be Choosers. My immediate manager at work was laid off last Thursday night! They are doing a reorganization and he was a causality....but they will keep me... the cheap help...lol

On a positive note, the girls (our Bichons) love being at their grandparents house with a huge yard to run around and hanging out with their Grandpa who takes them with him fishing and hanging in the yard. So they will make the transition easily. The lack of privacy is going to be challenging, but again I am blessed to have a place to go and a roof over my head.

Thanks for letting me vent...yet again...one day I will get back to the purpose of this blog....

Now back to the boxes, boxes and more boxes that liter this place....