Boxes, Boxes and more Boxes

Hubs and I have begun packing up our belongings to move in with my inlaws in 2 weeks. Not the ideal situation, but we are completely out of options. Hubs is still unemployed and my salary cannot support us. This is the most humbling experience EVER. Our age and having to accept help from family, God is constantly teaching us lessons I suppose. Selling off furniture so we don't have to store it, going from a place of our own with just us and our dogs to living in a small ranch house with PARENTS. If only we had another option.

I will have to drive about 90 miles each day round trip for work...and work EARLY at 7am...this will be a challenge. Getting up at 5, leaving by 6 and then at work at 7. Ugh. Alas, I dare not complain as money is money and at least we can afford to feed ourselves, make the truck payment and pay our new bills (we are paying the utilities at the house). Even if we still have no health insurance. Beggars can't be Choosers. My immediate manager at work was laid off last Thursday night! They are doing a reorganization and he was a causality....but they will keep me... the cheap help...lol

On a positive note, the girls (our Bichons) love being at their grandparents house with a huge yard to run around and hanging out with their Grandpa who takes them with him fishing and hanging in the yard. So they will make the transition easily. The lack of privacy is going to be challenging, but again I am blessed to have a place to go and a roof over my head.

Thanks for letting me vent...yet again...one day I will get back to the purpose of this blog....

Now back to the boxes, boxes and more boxes that liter this place....

The Open Road

We are hitting the open road! Nothing like a Road Trip to forget your troubles! My family has been nice enough to fund a trip for Matt and I to drive to PA for a visit this holiday weekend. We both need to get away SO bad that I am very thankful for this. It will be good to see them as we haven't seen them since New Years. See my niece Asia play high school field hockey, play with the boys, Darius (5), Braylon (4) and Marcus (2) and just relax, cook-outs, visit some of my favorite Lehigh Valley haunts and DO NOTHING.

Alas - Tuesday I'll have to come back to reality, but that leaves me with 4 days of nothing but FUN FUN FUN!

Woo Hoo!!!! Now off to pack for the 13 hour drive! Just so you know VIRGINIA really IS the longest state in the union...I think we are in that state like 6 hours of our drive...no kidding!

Disability

Hello All: I am going to meet with a few disability lawyers this week. What questions do I ask? What information do I need to make sure is covered. My life working FT right now and dealing with my MS symptoms kicking my ass is preventing me from doing alot of research, so if you have advice, please leave it in the comments.

Matt's mom is going in for a Cardiac Cath tomorrow morning, he is still unemployed and all but one of his leads has fallen through and the 1 that he has is taking their good ole time making a decision. I had to leave work early 2 days last week because I was so fatigued and in so much pain I couldn't take it anymore. We are moving in with his parents at the end of September and I am praying it will not negatively affect our marriage. The good side is we will have a roof over out heads, the bad side it will cause me to drive 88miles a day to and from work during rush hour ... yeah that will help my MS symptoms flare. Lovely.

I can't quit yet, but, may be forced to try to negotiate a PT schedule, though I don't believe I will get one...they need a FT person. So fingers crossed I won't throw myself into a huge flare up because as of Tuesday I have no health insurance. No money for Cobra...sold everything I could...such is life.

That's about it for tonight...I have to get to bed..

Here's What's New With Me

Hi Everyone! It's been a little while since I posted anything of substance here. Lots going on these days. Here's an update.

JOB

I've been at my FT Helpdesk job 1 month now and It is going pretty well. Some Days the Fatigue is a bit much, but most of the time it is Okay. My legs are MUCH more stiff lately, spasms have gotten pretty bad as well, but, it's great to be back in the work force and having a daily schedule. So while Yes, it is affecting my health, it's doing so in 2 ways. Positively for my Emotional Health and Negatively for my physical health. Not so Negatively though that would cause me not to work. I never realized how much having a purpose can affects someones mental state.

I say this because my husband has been depressed to extremes this past week and his not having a daily job to go to has negatively affected his mental state. On the bright side, he does have 3 companies interested in interviewing him this week. So fingers crossed he'll have multiple job opportunities coming up soon. After these opportunities came his way his mood improved drastically.

BLESSINGS

Amazingly in these hard times, I have been blessed in so many ways. One of them having total strangers offer me their Copaxone shots that they will no longer be using. Thank you to Amy Gurowitz at Multiple Sclerosis a Life of Learning. I also have another person who is going to be sending me their excess shots since they recently switched meds. The kindness of people is amazing to me and in today's world it means that much more.

I was also blessed to sell my painting and for my husband to have some 401K cash so we can stay in our apartment a month longer and not have to move in with the inlaws. That I do consider a blessing.

TIMING

The timing of things in life does make me laugh sometimes. Today for the first time in about 2 months we went to church and the deacon's homily was about Faith in God and returning to the church. Makes me smile because every time I need to hear something from God, when I go to church he usually sends me a direct message. Not all the time, but, when I really need to hear it. I feel like things may be turning around for me now and hopefully will continue to do so. While we may be stuck in TN for now, it could be worse.

I have to give the apartment complex 60 days notice if we are going to move out at the end of October. Alas, that is hard to do especially when right now it would be hard to find another apartment without hubby working. On the crappy salary I make, no one is going to rent to me. So, I have to figure this all out THIS week before the end of the month. Fingers crossed Hubs will get a job offer this week.

So that's a little of what is going on with me. Football season is here and that makes me happy! The Holidays are right around the corner and my favorite time of year is about to start in 2 months! Life could be worse.

Conquering The Storms

I'm sad. I had to sell my one and only piece of valuable artwork today. I purchased this painting in 2001 about 1 year after my divorce was final. Painted by Thomas Kinkade, it is Titled "Conquering The Storms"...fitting for the storms I had just finished in a tumultuous marriage with an abusive husband. And the new storms I was facing alone as a single woman.

It is the highlight of my Dining Room Wall...and soon it will be gone. I often look at it and think of the Storms I've Conquered in my life and how many there have been. Alas, to make it through the latest storm, I must sell my beautiful painting and Conquer this Storm too.

Behind Every Cloud Is a Silver Lining

2 weeks into my new FT job now and my body is already reacting badly to the stress of working FT at a semi-stressful job. Not super stressful, but definitely a few days where I felt an elephant sitting on my chest from stress. My MS Symptoms have chimed right in to let me know hey...we are still here...don't forget about us too!

Pounding Headaches, Twitches, Spasms Galore. Though I do sleep better at night now that I get up at 6:30am daily. This week I kicked a co-worker inadvertently when I had a spasm, luckily it was under a conference room table so she couldn't see it and I just said "oops, sorry" and then proceeded to move around like I meant to move there. Nothing like kicking someone when you don't plan on it!

Work itself is going fine and they are praising me like crazy - I'm used to it - I am good at my job and the people are all in some way colorful. I like that it is 5 miles down the road (for now) and I can come home and see the dogs at lunch. Or like on Friday...eat lunch at work (they bought us pizza) and come home at lunch to nap for 25 minutes.

I am a contractor right now which means I do not have benefits and since my hubby lost his job 3 weeks ago we can no longer afford my Cobra insurance so I can't buy my copaxone shots any longer until one of us gets a job with benefits. This does worry me as I noticed a big difference in my overall health once those shots kicked in after taking them for a few months again. I am going to call Shared Solutions to see if they offer any FREE shots and how to get them.

Unless a miracle happens and hubby is working by 8/17 we will have to move in with his parents who live 35 miles North of us and 40 miles from my employer. I will have to commute 80 miles a day for VERY little pay if I stay in this job. This does not please me. My body is already not thrilled I am working FT, I can't imagine what adding such a commute on would do...you know we have to be careful not to push ourselves into an MS Flare Up. It's all about Balance.

So that's most of the latest. Hubby is REALLY not handling being unemployed very well. He is depressed and crabby. He gets hopeless and upset...all of these things I am feeling as well so I understand. They say behind every cloud is a silver lining...I'm waiting to see it.

Stop the Ride...I want to get off!!!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Lots going on around here trying to make sure we "land on our feet" after this latest job layoff for my husband. I start a job this week doing Helpdesk work which while should be lower stress is also about only 60% of what I was previously making salary wise. In today's economy everyone is cutting back and paying less it would seem. So while I got a new job and I am happy to finally be getting out of the house and earning some dough, it won't be enough for us to actually live on and hubs has GOT to get a job to start by next week or I fear the worst will happen. We won't land on our feet. So while there is a little relief, it's not nearly enough.

He was let go without any compensation package of course and I've decided that I will be dropping my health insurance as of August 1st. We have no choice, pay my Cobra or pay the Truck payment..kinda a no brainer. Worst case scenario we will have to move in with my in-laws who live 37 miles from us and about 40 miles from my future employer - so that commute would not be fun or worth it at all for the low salary. Not to mention my husbands family drives me nuts with their passive-aggressive, selfish attitudes. Those people just need to learn to speak their minds - but that's a whole other issue.

I've put my largest asset (next to my car) up for sale on Ebay to see if we can get enough cash to cover Septembers rent. God willing we will. It's amazing the things you will sell when you have to so you can keep a roof over your head and food on the table. I have a whole other appreciation for those who lived through the great depression.

Times like this make me thing how DUMB it was for me to ever leave PA and the rock solid secure well paying job I had there - even though I really was tired of it. Hard times like this also makes me miss my family more and the familiarity of "home back then". We wanted to move to PA by the end of the year. Now I am not sure if and when we will ever be able to move there. Frustrating.

Back to the 2am job hunt for the husband...neither of us can sleep...gee I wonder why?!?!